The sound of running water makes you jump up and yell, "OUTSIDE!"

You tell your dog to sit, and he backs up until he finds a chair

It takes 3 people to get your dog on the scale at the vets

You walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no idea who these people are

You can carry on a conversation with a dog's muzzle firmly in your crotch

You own a dog capable of pulling someone from a porta potty

Your dog can hide an entire tennis ball (among other things) fully inside his lips and give you that innocent look that says, "What? I'm not eating anything!"

You carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle

You keep at least one color-coded "drool towel" in every room of your house

After banishing your husband, the snoring in your bedroom still keeps you awake

You are hiking with a friend who later suggests that you ought to have an environmental impact statement done on your dog

Visitors enter the house holding their privates protectively

You toss your dog a ball and cringe when he almost hits his head on the top of the doorway

You take your dog for a ride and he rests his head on your arm, causing you to make random right turns

You have given up on water dishes and you just use the bathtub

Your two dogs decide to play in the house, and they end up pulling the ceiling fan down -- for the second time

You have to move over when brushing your teeth because your dog wants a drink

You show a picture of your dogs and kids together, and the first person you point out is your dog

While stopped at a stop light, everyone stares as your car rocks back and forth because the dog is panting out the window

You go to vacuum your car and most of the fur is up there on the ceiling

You avoid the dogs on your way out the door, so they won't smear your makeup

You've learned to force a smile when asked "do you have a saddle for that thing?"

The monthly dog budget exceeds your home mortgage payment

Your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, build a large home, buy jet skis and a personal plane

You have had to train your dog not to lick dishes, and the dishes are in the sink

The donuts you put on top of the refrigerator are gone when you get home and your dog has powdered sugar on his nose

Your dog can see what you're cooking, and he tries to assist you in the preparation

You're holding him straddled between your legs when the doorbell rings, you take a short (but fast!) ride straight to the door

The pizza delivery people tell you to meet them at the end of the sidewalk

Your dog stands in your lap and reaches over you to stick his head in the drive-through window at MacDonald's and nearly gives the cashier a heart attack when she turns around to give you your change

You purchase a large screen TV and you still can't see the program when he stands in front of the television

After surgery, your bored pup decides to get up and cruise around the vet's office-- pulling the rolling IV stand behind him